September 11th, 2007

Current Music: un aria Current Location: room Subject: the Seven. Time: 10:58 pm

A movie. A horror film. 10 Bucks general admission, popcorn, drink, wearing my jacket, three people, 12th row, big screen. A man is on the ground and looking down is his assailant filled with some kind of blood lust. Kicking, again and again , the same body, it must be dead by now. Again, and again. The night isn’t much fun afterwards. Shiny black dress shoes, tight dress pants, a color shirt unbuttoned, hair slicked. The net day a concert. Black ccieling, like Disneyland (pirates) never-ending. Lights hit the gods on stage, they play their asses off. They move everywhere. Essence precedes existence, music precedes motion, light precedes vision. I feel wired electric.

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September 10th, 2007

Current Music: the ocean. Current Location: room Subject: the seven. Time: 03:35 pm

rants? rants. "There's a moment in life when it clicks and you realize you are monetarily responsible for every portion of time allotted to you. Punch-in, punch-out, life takes a grim turn into planners, agenda's, datebooks. All those good days of adolescence, just a promised land. Every economy teacher you ever had is suddenly right in front of you screaming in unison, "there is no such thing as a free lunch!!!" and thus as the carnival of panic and stress begins to drop a rather large bunch of bile and testosterone into your stomach, ask yourself, how will you handle the chemicals? You might also find yourself wondering what it is that makes you sweat in your bed sheets every night. What is it that makes you kick drunkenly to and fro, carry on endlessly, toil and eat and shit and try so very hard. Is it god? or salvation? Is it values? or a certain maxim? maybe artistic "emoting" is your ticket? What is it that makes us suck the seconds out of our wrist watches always falling short as we stumble down and drown in the pool of time, begging for another breath. Were our ropes around our fingers left out during installation? Constellations of tiny post-it notes flutter in the wind of time, all slapping the dull wall of expiration. Your time is up, you life has passed. Where is the line drawn between individual perception, and societal planting of perception and why does that matter? Why is my demographic any more of an advantage? Why haven't people adjusted and accepted that they are under the influence of a million perceptions, and another million beliefs or opinions. People will judge you, to be alive and learning brings judgment, to accept knowledge as truth is to fall into the very way of things. We're not suckers, but we all are definitely suckers. Is this why we are destined to hear the sirens song of making a living, or that green light at the other side of the river, willing you toward your fate, seeming to make the decision you are making, for you. Life is not only about staying alive at this point. Life is not only about making enough money to stay alive. Has disaffection claimed us to the point where in recollection we feel no accomplishments after 10 years have passed? How are you really accountable? Do you really want to do anything? Summers and summers of smells, new places, and lovers. Why are we all waiting for something? Why is relaxation a reward; not a time of utility. To stare blankly at the wall and remember that it's o.k. to stare blankly at that wall. Shell shocked, and twisted because of the hundreds of people who want you to be accountable, liable, responsible, and so god damn independent and productive. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR TIME ANYWAYS? Are you just acting for your un chosen audience? This makes you want other people to be accountable, and turns everyone into slackers. If you could sit and come up with your own inspirations why not? If the very reason to try was that you had found a reason to try, not to appease any people, or any societal maxim. If we all picked up a piece of paper and told the entire world what we wanted, which paper would be framed, which person acclaimed and celebrated? Who would read them anyways? Is it those who find the best voice in the world, or is it those who are chosen as the best voice for the world? More so , why does that matter, and why does it shape us so?

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August 31st, 2007

Current Music: hook soundtrack Current Location: bed. Subject: The Seven. Time: 12:44 am

I think I last updated 85 weeks ago. I don't know if i have friends still, i think i do, but i don't know if my friends still use this. Either way, I want to keep this as an online journal where i post some of my writings. If anyone sifts through, thank you. "If ultimate truth could be a symbol, she rings out like a bell before the bounty." I. A tiny man stood looking up at an endless tower of scaffolding above him. He was wearing a tiny protective suit in the fashion of a space suit. It made him look quite straned on a space station above a giant planet. The suit regulated his chemicals and motivated him to find something, but what was it? Craning his neck upwards, he saw a series of mountain ranges that disappeared into a horizon above him. Crashing in front of him were waterfalls that moved over the mountains like tears as they fell ever downward. Gripping the thin handrail through his suit, the tiny man chanced a look down. He suddenly felt very heavy on the tiny board that held him so far above the horizon of disappearing waterfalls below. There was a moment of silence, and then the suit jerked his head up towards the horizon above him. There was a small cube of blue floating on a nearby waterfall to his left. His suit flushed with focus. He saw that the cube's shade of blue differed greatly from the rest of the waterfall. He felt his suit tighten around him as he stretched out his body in sudden strength. He turned on the spot and grabbing a nearby chord threw himself with full confidence over the tiny rail of the scaffolding and out into the abyss. As he swung out on the full extent of the chord his eyes honed in on the cube floating downwards in front of him. He felt his hands loosen as he slid down the chord past stories of scaffolding. As he was about to land on the scaffolding he felt himself instead launch through it towards the endless waterfall. He flew down through the air in between the blurry scaffolding and the mountain ranges. As the scaffolding disappeared from his sight he felt himself reach a terminal velocity. He now faced the cube straight on and saw that it had grown much larger as he approached it. The blue cube was big enough to be a room for him. Then his eyes and ears were torn open by a danger siren that turned his suit a bright glowing red. His chemicals screamed, "BACTERIA!!! BACTERIA!!! BACTERIA!!!" His chemicals turned sour at the thought, and he felt his suit swell to twice his size and with hateful lust he opened his mouth and began to scream at the cube. The blue cube suddenly moved towards him and he felt the chemicals in his suit burn as it swallowed him whole. A large red cloud of flames poured out of the tiny man's gaping mouth. He could feel the fire that came out of his mouth scorching his throat all the way down to his heart, as the suit fixed his tearing eyes in order to look at the cube. It had caught on fire and as the last of his spew filled its perfect corners, the cube disintegrated into the water. His chemicals motivated him to be alert in case any more bacteria were nearby. Back to his normal size the tiny man felt himself grow a little stronger for destroying the cube. He arched his back and felt the suit grow wings. He cooly scanned the horizon above that was falling away from him and saw no bacteria. Without a thought of the scaffolding he felt the whole suit slow his fall. The tiny man hovered facing the mountain ranges in front of him. He floated before them in wonder for a moment. His mind flooded with chemical thoughts of his newly defeated foe, the cube. If he had broken out of that cube he must be able to do it again. He felt the chemicals drooling in his mouth for more of these cubes to destroy, and he was certain that bacteria were the most vile creatures in the universe. Then suddenly the hate left him, as he sensed company. There appeared to be another hovering man, waving for him to come down. His chemicals forced a feeling of duty as he floated down to the other he had seen. But as he floated over the mountains downwards he watched the tiny man turn and float away in the other direction. Now flying straight down over the mountains and waterfalls, the tiny man tried his hardest to reach the other he had seen. He felt his chemicals guide him onwards, and soon enough he saw something emerge out of the clouds below. Stretching out off of the landscape was a huge arm ten times as large as the scaffolding he had left above. The arm appeared to be bluish red but it was still too far in the distance to understand. Suddenly he felt his suit drop out of his control, and he was now weaving in and out of waterfalls that were jumping off the mountain ranges and falling back in crashing waves further down towards the base of the arm. Suddenly the water was all around him and he got caught in its flow as all of the jumping waterfalls collided and curved down to the base of the arm. He felt the water taking him out onto the arm now, and finally he saw the other tiny man not too far in front of him. As he approached the man though he broke through the waterfall and into a full blown battle. The arm was a huge chain of bacteria stuck to the mountain ranges. It extended out away from the land and into the abyss, and appeared to go on forever. Just as he took all this in a red siren began to take hold of him as the suit plunged him into the bacteria arm besida a swarming army of other tiny men. He felt himself be swallowed whole by a huge blue cube bacteria, and he began to breath flames. He worked his way through many cubes, and went deeper into the arm but he soon felt there were too many. He would defeat a cube only to be swallowed whole again. His chemicals gave him killer instincts, and he knew he had made a significant impact in the arm. But as he watched the carnage he saw the other tiny man he had chased earlier, the man was being attacked by a huge blue cube. The man's suit was ripped open and, trapped inside the bacterial cube, his whole body festered over in boils. The body began to bubble and become unrecognizable, until it filled the entire cube and the red blood which had poored from every oozing sore turned a bright blue. The swelling bacterial cube now looked three times bigger than most of the other cubes. The tiny man was deeply troubled by the death he had witnessed. His chemicals knew that he would not be able to destroy that huge bacterial cube. His suit backed him away from the battle but it was too late for a bacterium had swallowed him. His chemicals wavered and he began to scream in anger at the cube. His throat was scorched as a plume of fire ripped into the blue bacterium. He had tried with all the effort his suit bestowed upon him, nonetheless it was stripped off him. For the first time in his life, he knew the feeling of touch. But it was a burning touch, and as the bacteria pressed its blue jelly all over him his skin began to bubble with anger. His eyes, now fully crying, burst open and for the first time in his life he felt true pain and defeat. II. A drop of water fell down his back as he picked up the soap and gulped. "THEY ARE LOSING THE FIGHT!!!" "AHHHHHH!!!!!" "THEY ARE LOSING!!!!" "THEY ARE GOING TO LOSE THE FIGHT AND I WILL BE DESTROYED!!!!" "NO!!!!" "NOOOO!!!" "AHHHHHHH!!!!" *** As his screams echoed off of the tile walls around him, the man began to flail his arms. Knowing the trouble at hand he had taken precautions. Blood dripped down from scratchy lines etched into the man's chest. He was holding to bars of soap, and was now beginning to rub them on his chest. Feeling the burn, he rubbed with all of his strength. Possible to make sure all the bacteria would die. His skin was deeply threatened by bacterium. As it always had been. But on his way to this bathroom people had taken him and infected him! He knew they infected him. They must have. All those gentle "removings" of his clothes were an effort to hide their filthy diseases. Immediately he began to shudder in painful thought. He trembled over all the bacteria that may very well be eating his skin alive at that moment. Ever since he was a young boy he had been afraid of germs. That's why his mother kept him nice and clean all the time. As she wrote checks for prestigious private schools and arranged for a wonderful job like daddies, she built a crutch. She knew her special boy needed some extra special pampered loving. His whole life was spent in a luxurious atmosphere of complete cleaniliness, away from the city, away from life. In his reminiscing he had really let go. Blood was running from the open sores in his body, off his ankles and into the drain. Plasma was now puffing as the bodies' attempt to mend did not overcomethe psychosis that fueled his ripping. He was blind to the blood now. It was only touch that guided his hand. Touch would show him where the bacteria were. He could feel with joy as he killed them all, and helped the soap cells clean his body. III. "Alright get him out of there, I've seen enough!" It wasn't his place, but the doctor couldn't let the man kill himself in that bathroom. "Get him bandaged, get him in a straight jacket, and make sure he doesn't get hurt when you knock him out." As they dragged the bleeding and flailing man out of the shower room, he ceased shaking only enough to look right up into the doctor's eyes through the one-way mirror. The doctor knew the man saw things, it was his job to know that. And maybe that was why he didn't feel right experimenting with him. He felt shame wash over his eyes, but before he could feel truly sorry the other man in the dark little booth spoke up. "So whats his story, Frank?" The doctor cleared his throat, "Well, his case is very strange... It's hard to really classify his case because of this story actually," Frank switched his thought process with general ease, realizing that he should not be ashamed of his studies. "So get this-he was overheard talking about little men in spacesuits-he was overheard by his wife." The men in the booth all laughed and sat down together in a few large armchairs, facing the bloody bathroom in front of them. "I think he was in the john, but he didn't know the door was open-maybe he was just washing his hands." They all laughed, "It's amazing actually, that this guy went through his whole life- got married and everything, and only then -only then, does he become a patient." "It's a good thing believe me," said the man behind Frank. "We have plenty permanent psychosis patients." They all agreed and Frank continued, "So when she heard him talking she got kind of scared and asked him about what he was saying. But he acts like nothing is strange at all. He said his mom had told him to keep it a secret his whole life. But of course se got it out of him like all women get it out of us eventually," they had a nice little laugh. "So he tells her he sees little spacemen fighting the bacteria off of his skin whenever he starts to clean it! He also says he sees them out in public cleaning up the messy things around him, making sure he doesn't get infected," they all exchanged a queer look. "And what's stranger, and i think what actually got him brought in was when he told the wife 'I see them cleaning you too honey.'" The doctors picked up their clipboards, and straightened their smocks. They stood up, adjusted their hair a little in the mirror and started walking over to the emergency wing of the hospital. Frank still couldn't make up his mind about his responsibilities. If he let the man scratch more, would anything really change, he thought. "So how are we dealing with this Frank," asked one of the other men, as he took out a clipboard. Frank touched his chin and thought of how badly he needed to shave. "Well, lets just keep him in wraps for a bit. I think we should proceed with drug therapy. See after he said all that to his wife she started to explain to him that he was hallucinating, and how he probably had been doing so his whole life. As more and more people around him challenged the reality of his constant daydream, he began to become fully engulfed by it." "See, that's great analysis Frank, but that just doesn't cut it for me," chimed in the chubbier of the group now flanking Frank through hallways, as if in flying V formation. The chubby man continued, "Becoming engulfed by day realities, or whatever the fuck mumbo jumbo you just said is certainly interesting. But there is no scientific way to know that this man simply gave up on reality, and is actually hallucinating." "How can you say that!" Frank was worried that his study might yeild no results. "Were you not just in that tiny dark room Don? We have had the plugs on this guys head for months. All the scans read his brain activity as completely docile as he rips of his skin. Every single time we see him completely engaged in the ripping, as if in fact he was not aware of his reality, to the point where-" Don laughed shortly, "Yes but if all this is so, then you are saying this man chose his reality, and somehow mentally found a loophole, to physically shut down his pain centers during all of these disgusting freak shows you put on. But i need to see the fucking loophole Frank. I need to see steady use of the drug, see any effects. Everything that happens to this patient should be for a damn good reason, especially if you are going to let him enjoy his new reality to the point where he might just kill himself." Frank could not let his anger leave him. "Well alright we will keep watch of the chemicals he injests, but i'm telling you I think this man was truly crazy from the beggining. His whole life wrapped up in illusion. There must be some way to crack him out of it. There must be some scientific way to pump some chemicals in him and have him see a point to accepting reality. We will carefully concoct him from now on, and you will get my paper in two weeks, and perhaps another proposal for a repeat session of today." The laughter had long since tickled their mouths. They all now had new assignments and new patients to see. They all took seperate hallways to their next patient. The end.

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January 8th, 2006

Current Music: lots, get it? Subject: SHOW Time: 10:11 pm

i am putting on a show. so you probably all know this anyways it's with SBNC A BILLION ERNIES MARVIN HOLLY ENGLISH WORKSTANDARD and JAKES HORRIBLE BAND anyways, yall should come and buy tickets from me, to copy deann it's this friday, it's 5 bucks nigga, it starts at 8 at kids kabaret.

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January 2nd, 2006

Current Music: same old shit Subject: David's balls. Time: 04:58 pm

ever played the game? yeah, fag. i haven't updated since october, i'm back bitches! hahahahahahah!!!! hahaha!!! hahaha~!!!!!!~~~~ yeah, this place is still really fucking boring. welcome home niggers!!!

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October 17th, 2005

Subject: kicked out of band Time: 08:39 pm

i got kicked out of band. i realized. fuck band, i got some shit to do. 1. no more BITCH 2. no more after school practice 3. no more fucking GAMES EVERY FRIDAY! 4. no more vagina mouth mrs. johnson. 5. i got to play with my band at the knitting factory. and now we get to record a 6 to 8 song ep on thanksgiving all the way through winter break 6. i get to play in the play, which sam and me be doing. 7. i get to enjoy the bliss of no marching band. ahhh.

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September 28th, 2005

Current Music: only fucking music Subject: application!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Time: 10:46 am Current Mood: should i hit this?

Name: Christopher Weller Age: 17 Location: my pants. Sexual Preference: Fucking hot women Height: 511 Weight: 125 Body Type: dead fuckin sexy Eye color: hazle- yeah that's sexy too. Hair Color: blonde, but i dye it black cause i'm core. Favorite Bands: fucking you in the tits. Favorite Movies: watching our sex tapes. Why Are you Applying?: because i think i fit the mold. Favorite food: pussy Religion: fucking. Smoke?: i only smoke your kooch Drink?: i only drink vagina juice Drive?: i drive it in. One special thing about you: my penis, it's like asia Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? not yet bitches. Why do you like me? your bod. Do you think we would last longer than 3 months? fuck noo. Do you even know me? hope not What do you think might impress me? the way i fuck Do you like animals? ---> my penis? Can you read, write, hold a conversation? conversation? Does the site of blood make you faint? only monthly blood, we are talking head week. What do you do for a living? fuck hot women Do you believe in taking chances? only if we are talking, ok so this bitch comes up at a get down and she's like "we could be" and then you notice her hair smells kind of funky, but her tits are just legit, so you think hmmm? and they you are like "FUCK YES" Have you ever got caught masterbating to bad 80's music? hahahaha, i can't be stupid about this one. Have you ever given a blowjob? if answer is yes please give full details. yes, i have given head many many many times, and everytime i want to shoot myself, because if the girl doesn't come right away it's like swimming in new orleans after katrina. Have you ever had sex with any types of food ie. fruits or large meats of sorts? i have had lots of sex with women. How long do you think it will take for me to hate you? probably the first time i smack you when you talk after sex. Do you think I will ever love you? you will love me more than anything else in the world. Do you think we are compatible as of this moment? my dick is not in you so no, but otherwise yes. Do you just want to use me for sex? fuck yes. Do you think that I will just use you for sex? and if so are you alright with that? fuck, fuck, fuck, yes. so, do you want some of this shit? i just filled out the application. better hit that shit nigga.

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September 2nd, 2005

Subject: def. Time: 01:50 pm

def had a good day at band. def feelin good about chlamidia, oh poor sam burger, his house always makes me happy. bathtubs are hot and nice. i have nothing to do, waiting for practice. da summer is ova, noa if i haven't talked to you lately, it's cause i dont care enough to call. that's the only excuse that's actually true, and to amanda (shouts out homie) sometimes you don't say sorry because you are going to change everything you are sorry for, because sometimes you can't change what you are sorry for. durur ur ur ur. bad santa is hilarious. gotta stop livejournaling about nothing. oh, also all bands get signed by universal. all bands do that, we just haven't tried, right ian burke?

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August 25th, 2005

Subject: this is what livejournal is about! Time: 06:59 pm

no encription. amanda, sorry i haven't called in like four days, or maybe a week. greg, sorry i couldn't pay for your car right away, and ended up shining it on cause i dont have very much money and think my needs are more important than your car. i should have just given you the money and let you do it your way. teddy, i really am sorry you are out of the band and hope that it has no effect on if you like me or not, cause i think you are an awesome guy and it's just band stuff that ever makes me get mad at you. jedd, sorry i dont call you that much, and act like i care a whole fuckload when you come back. it makes me feel like everyone else who hugs you when you come back, but they never really knew you before you left. i really do like you though, and miss you very much, but you'd think i could actually call more. Deann, sorry i haven't been calling you this summer very often. Carly, sorry for every time i ever poked fun at sam for him not touching your boobs Noah, sorry i haven't called you very much this summer. Caroline, sorry i honked at your house a few times. in the middle of the night. Katie, i have pretty much been avoiding your crowd, but that doesn't mean you aren't awesome. but still, sorry i haven't called much at all. Andrea, sorry i wanted to be with you and kissed amanda instead because i didn't believe you at all. Toshi, sorry i just started hanging out with you like you haven't existed for a year or so. Ashley, sorry i haven't called you, you are so cool. Garrett, best pal of best pals, i haven't hung out with you nearly as much as i used to, it may be because at first i didn't get why you are starting to act like everything you used to hate and caring about things you used to argue me out of caring about, and i also didn't get why suddenly my sense of humor was so much different than yours, or why things i might enjoy doing are a waste of time. but i'm sorry because i should know with such an old friend that stuff changes and i'm sorry i dont hang with you cause i think you are too into sports, or not into music like you used to be, or not the same person in my eyes. Lauren, i'm sorry i can't hang nearly as much as hang, or be what you want me to be to you, it's just not the way i feel, and i'm sorry i was such a dick when you went out with byron. Max, sorry i thought you were stupid, or called you retarded infront of you as a joke, it's not funny cause i actually think you are really smart.(now) Ken, sorry if i ever made fun of sasha Sam, sorry i ever didn't respect you or even try to listen to what you were saying when i first knew you. Tracy, sorry i didn't call you back for like three weeks. this is the gayest of all livejournal entries ever. but it's definately just because i realized i always bitch, and everyone always bitches at everyone. but i probably dont know half the stuff i do to people, that they dislike. but this stuff is stuff i feel really shitty about, that i do, that i know why it's shitty to do, but for some reason, it'll happen. sometimes i dont try to, or sometimes i just think it doesn't matter, or sometimes i might think it's ok. either way sorry to anyone i didn't say sorry to, or to anyone who feels like i should be sorry for something else i did to them, that might just be something i dont even know i'm doing to someone.

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August 15th, 2005

Subject: i need to play the piano Time: 05:25 pm

it's nice to know i'm not an equal. really fucking nice.

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July 30th, 2005

Current Music: blood brothers. Subject: the neighborbood Time: 10:08 am

in the neighborhood, there were 20 children. the children laughed all the time, and they ran around all the time. They loved to go to the back of town so they could get away from the center of the town. In the center of town there was always a busy market, and you had to run hastily to every appointment or else you would be shuffled back into your appropriate housing. Like the 20 children's parents, the appropriate housing always had a million innapropriate passtimes, with which you could pass the time. As the time passed though, the back of town became a dull and drab escape, and soon going there, was no better than going to the center, because in the back it became a system. It became a way of life that made you shut out others just to get what you want. The children could not be the same anymore because they could not trust in the others to be the same. the very idea that you would let someone roam through the center of town without his best hat and coat on would make things uncertain. Why let them play in the beautiful escape of the town than just live there and actually care about responsibilities care about your hat and coat care about your stupid fucking market in your stupid fucking town. cause the more we make the more we throw away and the more i get to take care of throwing away the less people care about taking care of me. and the more i care about being taken care of the more i am supposed to take care of myself. can't i take care of you, my 20 children, can't i be with you and make you run and rush to every single appointment you make to run. It's the chase it's the cut too it's the run, it is our endorphins. all the days wont end with the town in this shape, because people might one day realize the town doesn't fucking matter, the market doesn't fucking matter, the children dont fucking matter, nothing fucking matters, besides each other, so how about you just not care, about stuff you care about right? wait, no you dont do that either. but wait , there's no such thing as satire, there's no such thing as satire, of satire. i give up because, your playground makes me feel like a two year old fool, why dont you just love me like i want you to, cause that's all i could know, is what i could think love would feel like, and how i could think love would let me be. in harmony. (like musical sounds harmony) instead. you leave me feeling dissonance, but you probably dont even know what that means, or why it matters. ah, pickle, if i can't get to one base, i must go back to the other ah, pcikle, you make me fucking sick.

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July 22nd, 2005

Subject: here i am again, in my parents bed, again. Time: 06:44 pm

it hasn't felt so good to be so normal and not again. it hasnt' felt so good to be told to be able to play with streetlight. it hasn't felt so goot to be selling all day with nothing else to do. and it hasn't ever felt better to be laying here with you. and my cat decided to come home for once~! yay for cats.

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July 18th, 2005

Current Music: the sweet sounds of maxs house. Subject: if i dont agree, then i dont agree dumbfuck Time: 09:36 pm Current Mood: prose.

sometimes people dont agree. sometimes people when they dont agree, think differently from the person they dissagree with. so if someone dissagree's with you and says "why do you always say you're right?" wouldn't you be upset? i'm sorry, it's not that i'm right or wrong, i just think differently from you imagine that. people sometimes dissagree wow. and stop lying to me, i have friends that i love to be with, most of you are awesome, i wouldn't go around doing anything else with anyone else because i have fun, why else would people be friends? i mean, lets say i was your friend and we didn't have fun, or go do anything. oh wait, then you aren't my friend then i dont like to do anything with you unless it involves us not doing anything and i mean, to you that's nice and all maybe you can learn to tolerate people i love though, and those people i love i will not agree with you, that they are bad people. and dont lie to me and say that you understand, because tomorrow, nothing will change and the same old you, will sit there and say "why do you always say you're right?" if i dont agree, then i dont agree dumbfuck.

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June 30th, 2005

Current Music: grand theft auto soundtrack. NIGGER Subject: skate cr3w Time: 09:35 pm

i am at maxs. i wanna go skate . fuck this, we should start a skate crew. who wants in? alright first rule, now that claire says she wants in no girls. whatsoever. but we need bitches for support and food, and boobs. we will meet 1.whenever the fuck we want. 2.wherever the fuck we want. 3.only to trick. hxc. we need to have a big big boombox too. alright.

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June 29th, 2005

Subject: come hang out! Time: 10:09 pm

i would love to go out tonight and do something. i would love to go out tonight and do something. i would love to go out tonight and do something. i am going to kill my dad. kill kill kill. "chris you did good on your report card, way to pull through" "thanks" "so are you just hanging then?" "i'm not allowed to go out dad" "i know, hahahaha" "...." "well cool man!" fuck you so much. 9 dentist 1025 summer school- 1230 1 stay at home and wait for the plumber- 5 6 chris why wouldn't you want to practice with the noise? why dont you talk to me anymore? why dont you hang out with all of us anymore? - god knows what aweful time. 8 come home for dinner honey! see your parents that you never never ever ever ever get to see! - the end of the world. i have a great day lined up tomorrow. i have a bunch of great fun filled action packed days. fuck that. i want summer to actually be here.

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June 20th, 2005

Current Music: the blood brothers Subject: something nice. and something not nice. Time: 08:45 pm

i painted something nice today, i drummed something nice today, i wished something nice today, and that is that people had something nice to say today, because there's nothing nice about today, because people fight over stupid shit, when they should be nice today, because they are together in more ways than most friends i know. oh well, people will remain offensive, to try to prove a point, will remain quiet until they explode over small trivial things that otherwise would never bother them, and ultimately will search for no reason, or hope of ever being something nice ever again. stop having vagina problems. speaking of vagina problems. i got in an argument last night, so let me know what you think? 1.would you say you are pro-life? 2.did you know that aborted fetus' are used for stem cell research in america and the rest of the world? 3.did you know a fetus develops no nervous system and no individualistic characteristics until about 6 to 9 weeks into pregnancy? 4.do you think by having an abortion within the first six weeks of pregnancy you are taking away someone's life? 5.do you live in the now? 6.if you got raped would you keep the baby? 7.if you had sex, only to become closer with a person, to express yourself to them, and to be honest in your love making, and NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN WHATSOEVER< (hence using a condom or birth control of any sort)and you got pregnant, would you get an abortion? 8.do you feel that you are more affected by religion or your parents in making your desicions about having an abortion, or do you feel it is up to the people who had sex? 9.do you think the only obligation a woman has to the male who got her pregnant in case of pregnancy is to be legally fair, and say it's her choice in the end? or should she let him have a say in what happens? 10.do you believe that sex should be had if the motive is not to have babies? or is the only time to have sex when you intend to have children?

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June 18th, 2005

Current Music: my shirt. Subject: deann got me a shirt, <3 Time: 11:44 pm Current Mood: awake

my hand hovered on the day today, and i let the wind lift it right up there, and the sky paited everything with a glare, and a twist in my hair that made me forget all the things you normally worry about. the meeting was fun, and the show was fun, and jaqcui cooper is really cool! i dont even know why i'm updating, bottom line, it's summer i know you all care, and sincerely my hand had a nice time outside of kens car today, it surfed the air waves almost as nicely as my dream surfed through my head last night. and today all that was left of my dream was the same picture it painted in my head. i love having beautiful dreams (only while asleep)

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June 8th, 2005

Subject: orange peels, in my mind. Time: 08:49 pm

As sam would put it, the best drummer in the world could certainly play that fast enough. Hell the best drummer in the world would do it with ease. WE practiced with DR. beat today, and i felt like i was no longer a good drummer. either way, i looked at myspace. Then i looked at livejournal. then i decided to write in my livejournal, cause i am restless and want to do something tonight, because it's stupid night and i can't play drums or guitar, or do anything productive, or leave the house, or write anything. because i dont have anything to write. i have been thinking for some time simply about different short stories i should write, but it all farts away when i'm totally restless and filled with energy. So i mean of course, i'll write on livejournal, when really this isn't what i want to be doing, and it doesn't really matter anyway it's just a simple way to do something for like 15 minutes, so i feel like i'm doing something, but really i'm doing nothing. i'm just sitting, like a fucking apple decaying on itself. i just need a good hard fuck, but i'm not horny so i dont know what this is at all.

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May 23rd, 2005

Current Music: at the drive in Subject: in true deann style. Time: 09:36 pm Current Mood: nothing.

schools a joke. mixer. stupid dancing wierd girl. drums feel good. so bored. need shower. didn't go to first or sixth. feel like a jerk for cats. tired of girls. want girls. want music more. want summer just a little bit less, but still more than girls. want all my friends to be happy and me too, and i want to play the good music. SOMETIMES i really wish people could simply kiss away the trivial problems they have with others, and enjoy the pleasure of the time we do have free from jobs, lives, and money. it's soon. i know i am welcome in this place, wont you sit with me, and embrace? (i love charles bukowski) (claire good painting <3) this is directed at no one, except all of you. i love all my friends, even if i'm a weird jerk. lets make some music and have fun, and make love, cause it's like fucking summer, and LYKE it's time to make love. to everything. except for cats in physio (i'm really sorry greg) :)

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May 16th, 2005

Current Music: DUR Subject: i'm ripping off andrea but who cares. Time: 09:45 pm Current Mood: yeah. cool. cool x0w0948237094

i will turn and look the other way.

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